Monday, 12 November 2012

The things people say. By Bethan.


I don’t write often so I’m sorry that when I do I can’t stop myself!

I felt cooped up.  Even though I had been out to Rukoki Special Needs school in the morning and arranged some very exciting music therapy work for the coming school year from February onwards and had tested my nerve with the diff-lock through green muddy puddles in which I could see no bottom, Samuel somehow made our house seem very small!

“Right!  We’re going for a walk!”  I ordered.  I got out the factor 50 and chased Sam round the house lathering it on his protesting face.  “Go use the potty.”  I said to my newly-potty-trained toddler.  He has been doing so well with very few wee accidents and it is in fact very comical to see him sitting playing quite happily then all of a sudden grab his bottom and shout “ME NEED POO!  QUICK!” and sprint to the bathroom as though he was being chased by a hippo!  Just as we thought we had cracked the potty-training, two incidents occurred today: Firstly the wiff of guilt as a fresh poo lay on Jonah’s play-mat and secondly Samuel squatting on the floor over another pile.  “What happened Sam, why didn’t you use the potty, it’s only two metres away from you.”  “Me fall over, mummy.” Was the reply followed by “me do poo.”  Oh toddlers, you are so very amusing and frustrating in one cute little package!

I digress.

The boys were creamed, Jonah was packed into his carrier and we set off through the gate with red pick-up and nee-nor car.  Our neighbour’s drive made for a perfect “doof” scenario so we sat for a while in the shade while Samuel played out the previous week’s car fiasco.  “Mummy wheel big hole – doof!  Daddy get out help car back on road.”  He narrated to himself as the red pick-up helped the nee-nor car out of a miniature ravine in the dirt driveway.  Toddlers hide no secrets and I was permanently reminded of my little wheel-stuck-down-a-hole transgression.  I was just going into a dream with Jonah hanging off my front in his sling when a man carrying two small jerry-cans greeted me.  “Good evening.” He said.  (It was only 3.30pm but apparently that makes it evening.)  We exchanged pleasantries (at least I did.  Samuel grunted and squawked as is his embarrassing way currently when a Ugandan greets him).  “I am a mountain dweller,”  said the man, matter-of-factly.  “I wish I had a stallion because small boys like to use those mules but I am a mere mountain dweller.”

“It’s okay, really.”  I replied, not quite sure what to do with this information or what the information actually was in the first place.

“The face is like a map of Africa.  The hands can raise hair above the head and that is why Africa has to be so humble.”  He paused as he saw the look on my face trying to catch his drift.  “It is a metaphor.  Are you getting me?”

“Oh yes,” I lied.  He turned as if to go and wished me a nice day.  After a second thought he turned on his heel and said to me “Do you know Jesus?”

“Yes.” I replied.  “I know him very well.”

“Good.  I was taught in school that you people brought us that religion from Europe.”

“Well that’s not strictly true,” I pondered.   “There was a disciple called Philip who was traveling through Ethiopia and spread the Gospel to an Ethiopian man who was then baptised long before anyone in Europe had heard about Christianity.”  I hoped my details were correct.  People who know me know I’m not one for remembering facts!  This information set him wondering and he went off to collect his water in his two small jerry-cans.

I told Samuel that he should rescue his red pick-up once more and then we could continue on our walk.  We had, after all, in half an hour, only reached the neighbour’s drive!  He dutifully unearthed the nee-nor car from under a pile of rubble (with red pick-up’s help of course) and trotted next to me saying “nee-nor car – doof!  Red pick-up help nee-nor car.  Help help help!”  “Yes Sam.”  I replied on auto.

We walked to the digger-park where there are two decrepit diggers and four other types of diggers (sorry can’t be more exact on what types they are despite reading Sam’s digger book to him several times a day).  This is a day-trip in itself as Samuel gets so excited about it and, let’s be fair, there’s not a lot else to do to entertain him!  At the digger park a man greeted me and asked me if I was married.  “Yes” I replied.  “To a mzungu.”  I added that last bit because he had that look in his eye that people get when they are about to say the following: “You should marry an African so that you can have good coloured babies.”  And yes, that is what he said.  I had read correctly!  “Eh!  I’m sorry, but I only want to marry one man and I already have him.  I cannot marry a Ugandan now.”  I knew what was coming next.  “Do you have sisters?”  he asked, in all seriousness.  “No.  I’m Muhindo and last born.”  This was an intrinsic way of saying I have only brothers since Muhindo means a change from one sex to another in the birth order.  “But what of others.  … Surely your father must have siblings and they have family that may help me?”  “I have cousins but they are married.” I lied.  Well he doesn’t have to know, and my female cousins will thank me for not landing them in being the (probably) third concurrent wife of an aging Ugandan man!  He suddenly lost all interest in the conversation and left without even saying goodbye.  I shook my head to myself at the randomness of today’s conversational offerings.

I finally dragged Sammy away from the diggers and we hauled ourselves up the hill in the heat to our house.  You will never guess who was waiting there sitting outside our drive-way with his jerry-cans now full, ready to continue our conversation!  “I was waiting for you to come back.  I have been thinking of this Ethiopian man and it made me realise that God was revealing something to me to tell you.”  Uh-oh I thought.  “What do you think it was about Mary that made her become the mother of Jesus?  You know that girls should grow their hair beyond their knees then when they breathe out the spirits go into cows and they may bear angels or cherubs.  It is Bibilical!”

“Oh?”  Well what else could I say?

… I can’t even go on to describe the direction the conversation took from here but it involved all sorts of fantasies about young virgins giving birth to small cherubim and as I turned into our compound (I had opened the gate to let Sammy in) the teenage boys who were slashing the grass looked at me and burst into laughter.  “Do you know him?”  They taunted.  “Uh, no.  But he is certainly an interesting character!” I responded.  “He is crazy!” they said and almost rolled around on the floor laughing at the conversation I had endured.  Aha.  There indeed is one in every village…

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